Socializing and Approaching II

This is a refresher for an old post of mine back from 2008.

I'd like to begin this post by shredding a few "myths" about pickup & influence first.

Alot of people focus too much on perfecting their game, and I think it's an absord! Why?

Because if you'll just open your eyes and LOOK around you at the guys who are getting results with women, you won't find anything "superior" or special in MOST of them that you don't have - they may be uglier than you, more insecured than you, less focused than you, more BORING than you, etc. And yet - THEY still GET results, while you don't!

I think this principle applies not only to women but life in general - the most successful people in their area, are NOT ALWAYS the best in their area!

In the end.. it all comes down to how well you promote yourself.

Think about it for a second.
It is highly probable that there are ALOT of women out there, right now, who REALY WANT to meet someone - even if they have a "boyfriend" already! (Who said that she is pleased with him?)

Now.. as you sit there at home trying to "perfect" your "skills", nobody even knows you exist!
And the only thing these girls actually know of.. are the guys who approach them and introduce themselves to them!!

You may think it's NOT FAIR that all these lousy guys are the only thing women know of and fuck with.. you may also think that it's not fair that alot of realy talented and gifted people in this world never get a chance.. but that's just the way LIFE is - the people who push themselves into other people's realities and are NOT AFRAID to show what they've got and are actually trying to get others interested in them = are the ones who GETS results. The others.. never get their chance for obvious reasons!

Now, let's get off the "fair/unfair" ethical discussion and talk about facts for a second.

It is a FACT that you can take a SHITTY product, promote it very well to ENOUGH people, and you WILL get buyers! In fact, the most succeeding products are also the ones that are being promoted the most!

In every area of life this is true, whether you are aware of it or not, it is simply a rule of thumb whenever it comes to sales and promoting something: The more people are exposed and become aware of a certain product or idea = the more people take it or buy it!

It just makes sense, doesn't it?
But in order to clarify my point, I'll bring you now.. what I think is the perfect example of what I mean: Windows -vs- Linux

So.. I'm a programmer and I've been using Windows for years. I heard about Linux before and even saw it many many years ago at an old friend of mine, but back at the time it seemed so difficult and hard to learn and too complicated for me.. so I prefered to stay with Windows.

Now, Windows is probably the most popular operating system in the world, and for me personally it has always been quite a default option. I had no idea that Linux exists in a graphical user-interface form (Windows' style desktop), that it is easy to install, and that it is easy to use as well. Take note of this, this is crucial - I had NO IDEA it existed!!!!!!!!

The idea of Linux wasn't even in my AWARENESS at all.. until one day.. I visited a friend of mine, and I saw his brother, who is a programmer as well, using this flashy, fast, and very well organized desktop operating system on his computer that did not look familiar to me.. At a first glance I thought it was Macintosh with MacOSX (Guess why? Maybe because Apple's MacOSX is the second most well promoted operating system in the industry after Windows??) .. so being realy curious I asked my friend's brother what is that .. and he said: It's LINUX!

At first I was quite in a shock.. because it looked way different from how i imagined Linux to be.. but then it realy got me interested and intrigued, and it got my attention so strongly that I have began asking him questions about it, and the more he revealed me his answers the more the idea of installing this system on my home computer became real.. but it was only after he told me the following two sentences that I was totally convinced that I should try it: 1. You can download the operating system for FREE , 2. You can TRY IT before you install it, directly from the CD!

Can you imagine to yourself.. such a superb operating system for FREE ??

So anyways.. I decided to download the CD and try it for myself.. and after that first time I tried it - I simply fell in love with it! (Literally) And I felt like such a moron for never knowing that it existed, and using crappy Windows instead ..

.........

Now that may have been a nice story, but it has a POINT.

I think that this was probably the perfect example to show that It's not always the BEST who brings the fruit - but the ONE who PROMOTES HIMSELF the most!!!!

Now.. think about the implications of this story on your sex life..

I mean.. you could be HUNDRED TIMES better than alot of your "competitors" out there in almost EVERY aspect! And.. it could be that you are the ideal guy for MANY women.. and yet.. THESE WOMEN DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU EXIST!

Think about it..

And BTW This is true for ANYTHING you want to sell or promote - you can have the most amazing, unbelievable piece of innovation the world has ever seen .. but if it keeps sitting at home and no one knows about it - you will NEVER = NEVER EVER GET ANY BUYERS!!!!!!!!

NEVER!

Now.. after all of the ideas that I just presented to you here, and since this post is coming to an end soon.. i'll use this opportunity to explain to you the "mechanics" of how to use everything you learned in this post to your advantage:

First, realize that when you approach a new girl - she knows NOTHING about you, NOTHING about your qualities, NOTHING about how much you could benefit her life - NOTHING AT ALL! You don't even exist in her world and all she knows of is just your physical appearance, your looks, the vibe you project, and the way you talk. THAT'S IT!

Even if she rejects you right off the bat, it still doesnt change the fact that she STILL knows NOTHING about you!! She has no ideas, yet, in her mind about you.. NOTHING!! Her reality just stayed the same as it was before you even talked to her..

Now, your job is to introduce yourself, and introduce the idea of being with you. Before you do it, both you and the idea of being with you DO NOT EXIST IN HER AWARENESS, and it is only after you present the idea to her and get her become AWARE to the fact that you exist and how much she could benefit from you, that it can become something she'd like to fulfill and try for herself.

Before you establish that, she knows NOTHING at all about you!
And yes, that also means that if you are just "fluff talking" with her she STILL knows NOTHING about you!

Think about everything I wrote here..

-- leedrag0n

OIR and Success Consciousness

Most of the PU material out there focuses around techniques and mindsets that will make you more successful or more attractive with women.

This is all good and fine and all these techniques and mindsets will work for you if you do them right, however some people may find that even though they know alot of techniques, alot of mindsets, and maybe they even have great game already, they still don't get results!

How could this be ?

Well, here's how I believe it happends, and you can feel free to leave me your comments about it below and let me know if you agree with this.. and BTW: Guys who are new to all PU concepts usualy don't have this problem, and you will soon understand why. This is an ADVANCED concept post.

So you see.. in order to master these tools, techniques and mindsets you have to sometimes suspend your expectation for results in order for you to try new stuff out. Thing is when you get used to NOT getting results with women for long periods of time, your unconscious mind slowly gets used to this condition, and you get so used to not getting results that you don't even expect them to happend, and therefore your behaviour, the actions you take, the decisions you make, and the things you can look for and notice, all become CONGRUENT with this condition of not having results.

What do I mean ?

I mean that when you get used to not getting results, it will be out of your map to look for attraction signs from her, for example. Your choice of behaviour and actions will be ones that will make it fail for you, because this is what must be done in order to stay congruent with this condition of "unsuccessness", so much that even if the girl will show you that she's attracted to you and she's even READY TO GO FOR IT RIGHT NOW, you won't see it or even think about taking action on it, because you already got used to something else!

And if you stay in this condition for too long, it will make you literally PARALISED on your ability to notice success and act on it!

Is this making sense?

I think that it is THIS "UNSUCCESS" CONDITION that is what TRUELY fucks up guys in the community, and I've heard it many times before that guys who decided to "quit" the scene and "forget everything" they learned - suddenly began getting results!

Is this coincidence, or is there something that people are missing in here ?

No, it just makes sense if you think about how the mind operates - beliefs and world views tend to affect behaviour, actions, decisions, thinking ways and what you can observe and notice unconsciously. I mean, if you got used to not getting results .. how can you notice that some girls actually WANT you??

If this is making sense to you, I guess that the question to be asked now is - So, how can we change this condition? Do we have to "forget everything" and let go completely?

I don't think so, and I'll explain - Many people have difficulties with controlling their thoughts and focus because they are not trained in meditation or never have been. Those kind of people are the obsessive thinkers, and because they CAN'T control their thinking - THEY MUST forget about all the "material" they learned and they actually MUST go and completely change their habits and the things they do on a regular basis so they could distract their mind from this obsessive thinking. This is what actually "works" for them to help them get over the "failing thinking" or "analytical thinking" that the community has forced them to start apply, and this is the only thing that realy "works" to get their mind blank and ready to ingrain new and more useful thinking ways.

However, if you are trained in meditation and focus that means that you can control your thoughts deliberately, and therefore you don't have "obsessive thinking" of any sort and you can always just re-train your mind to think in new ways.

So what you realy have to do in order to get over this condition is two things:

1. Start training your mind in visualizing success! Yep, it's that simple!

2. Change old "failure" scenarios into "success" scenarios - Just remember an old approach that didn't go anywhere, and literally rewrite it with different things you do so that it will become a success.

Now when I'm saying visualize a success - I mean visualize a scenario of you approaching the girl and she's receptive and responsive and with her you get it all the way into the bedroom and have sex. You can even refer to my last post of "how to visualize" in order to do it properly.

Do this, and you won't believe the stuff you get in return from life.

-- leedrag0n

A word about Flexibility ..

Every human being is a different person, that enjoys different things, flows with different things, and responds to different things.

Alot of advices that are given about success with women, are usually in one or another of the forms of "If you do this, she'll responds that..", or "If you use this structure, then..", etc.

This is the kind of thinking that we, as men, are champions at - serial thinking. Given any goal or outcome, we will be able to create steps to achieve it - and if you'll follow all the steps exactly in the order they are written, you'll get that goal ..

It is our blessing on one side, but also our curse on the other - because this kind of thinking is NOT USEFUL for success with women!

Why?

Because women are random - every woman is a different person that responds differently to different things. Some women will respond very good to displays of honesty and vulnerability and "sharing your thoughts" with them, while other women will not give a damn shit about it, but will instead responds VERY GOOD to displays of dominance and aggression and not giving a fuck.. other women will not respond to dominance and aggression good at all, because they feel that they want to share their thoughts with someone, and will respond very good to you just shutting your mouth and listening to them.. Some women are smart-asses and like to tease and flirt, and they will respond very strongly to being a tease and flirtatious with them .. and so on .. you get it?

This is exactly the reason why you have to develope a sense of flexibility in your game, if you REALY want to increase your game and success rates.

Now, when I'm talking about flexibility, listen: I am NOT talking about giving up your will just to please and satisfy a woman. That is NOT flexibility, that is being a pussy - and it is a big turn off for almost every woman out there!

What I'm talking about is stay strong with your will to get a result with her, but at the same time having a versatile set of choices for behaviours, vibes, and themes that you can switch between them, while at the same time staying completely focused on her so you could notice how she responds to each, paying attention to what will trigger the strongest responses in her!

This is a realy crucial, even core level understanding - because in the end what really matters in your communication with her is the responses that you get from her - is she turned on? is she turned off? does she feel connected? does she feel fascinated? aroused? etc..

Because her responses are the indicators for you to know whether you're going on track or off track, and if she's giving you strong and powerful responses that means that you're on the right track, and that probably she's ready!

Remember, there is no failure - only feedback, and you are constantly getting feedback all the time about what works and what doesn't work.

Is this making sense?

-- leedrag0n

Outcome oriented -VS- Outcome targeted

Hey all!

I hope you'll like this post, as these are thoughts that have been running in my head lately and I realized I have to write them down in order to organize them.

So: Outcome orientation -vs- Outcome targeted.


What's your outcome ?

First of all, I think that knowing what is your desired outcome from every interaction with a woman is an incredibly important determinent for your entire game. I have written an old post on this subject when I first opened my blog.

Let's talk sales for a bit.

FACT is, that most sales people you'll ever meet on a regular daily basis are pretty shitty sales people. They have no real influence skills at all - but you could see in their eyes that they have an outcome in their mind and they direct all their will to get that outcome with you.

Another FACT is that most guys that get results with women don't have any kind of "superior" game or "alpha male" type game or even natural game. These are all MYTHS. The reality is, that these guys are probably just more outcome directed than you are, they know what they want and they go and try and get it with their currently available resources.

Ask any woman out there what is she looking for in a guy, and MOST of them will probably say something like: A guy who knows what he wants. Think about that.

And now, recall some hot girl you approached recently.
Now imagine how different your entire interaction with her could have been have you had set an outcome with her. ANY outcome. Do you notice how profoundly different it is?




Are you Outcome Oriented, or Outcome Targeted ?

Now after you realized how important setting an outcome is, let's discuss a little bit the difference between outcome "orientation" to being outcome "targeted" and try to answer the question that I've presented here.

Most guys have been taught through either massive social programming coming from almost any media: TV, movies, music .. or by some wierd and amateur gaming "gurus" out there that I won't mention their names here, that you they are the ones who needs to invest and put efforts if they want to get into a woman's heart and pants.

In this game, I don't think that women should get rewards or "free gifts" without giving anything back in return. In fact, any good negotiator or persuader is never going to give away something without getting something back in return. This just makes sense. However, the media is bombarding us with ideas that contradict this.

You set the frame with the woman you interact with right at the beginning of the interaction. If you're going to present a "giver" frame - I.e, you are the only one who supplies the entertainment, you're the only one that invests, she's the one that screens you and you have to live up to her expectations - she will get used to live by that frame, and this will profoundly affect the rest of your interaction with her. She invested nothing in the interaction - so she has no problem to just walk off at any given moment without giving you nothing back in return. It won't feel like a loss for her - after all, she didn't put any efforts! You've set a frame where you're the one trying to please her, not vice versa .. so why should she please you when you get in bed with her? It's incongruent with the frame you presented!

So setting up the right frame, among with knowing what your outcome, is realy crucial here!
But now there's a paradox: How can one set a strong willed outcome with a woman, without turning into a beggar or a free giver?

I'd like to give the following metaphor as my way to answer that question: Think about going to find a house to rent. When you go out trying to find a house to live in, say in rent - YES You are going to put some efforts, no doubt on that. You'll have to make a list of houses, and then you'll have to call them and set appointments and go and meet their house owners. When you do get there, you are going to first take a look at the house and see if it even makes you feel like a house you'd want to live in. If that fails, you have nothing more to do there, just move on. If it does, you will then try and talk a little bit with the house owner and see if he's a person you'd want to sign a contract with. Now, there could be situations where you will like the house, but not the house owner, and even if that does happend - you will most likely disagree to live up to some wierd and unacceptable expectations from the house owner. What if he tells you that you must deposit $50,000 before hand if you want the house, or sign a 30 pages contract that is completely against you? You'll most likely say NO THANKS and move on. There are enough houses to see! However, if both the house and the owner seems to be what you're looking for, then and only then will you start and try to get the house owner interested in taking you as his renter, and when you both sit and start to talk about the contract - there may be some places where you will disagree with some of the house owner's demands and try to change them. That is negotiation. Maybe if you have some influence skills, you will be able to influence the house owner to even give you a DISCOUNT by convincing him that his house is not as expensive as he thinks, and end up taking an amazing duplex house while paying a price that is lower than what the rest of the market pay leaving your house owner happy and satisfied from the choice he made thinking he did the right choice. That is persuasion.

I think this is a good metaphor about setting up a strong will and outcome - while remaining true to your values, your standards, YOUR expectations, and even getting some side "bonuses" for yourself.

This is what I define as being "outcome targeted".

As an analogy, when you think about some girl you realy want - same as in going to find a house: Yes when you see an attractive house you will probably have your outcome automatically set to "live in this house", but you won't do EVERYTHING just to live there. if the demands are unacceptable to you, you'll just say NO!

And another fine analogy is: whenever you go to see a house, your parents will always advice you to not show too much interest right off the start. Why do you think this advice is so solid whenever you go to buy a house? It's OK to show some interest, but if you show too much interest - the house owner will pick that up and as a result he will demand more money from you and/or put more high demands from you for this house. If you show some interest, but don't get overly excited, then the house owner, who is willing to sell the house, and will probably have no problem compensating for a lower price, won't try to raise the price because he thinks you are an "easy customer" who will do anything to get his house!

Think about that!

Outcome targeted means being a negotiator, or a persuader. And I think that is a crucially important mindset to have with women, because with all the respect .. georgeous and beautiful as that woman might be ... if she doesn't have the right personality - you can't do anything with that beauty!

So in order to set up the frame the right way:

Show some interest - but not too much so they don't get too excited about themselves, and immediately do anything you can to setup the frame that you're screening them for compatibility before you even get to the negotiation stage.

-- leedrag0n

How to Visualize

Hey guys!

In today's post I'm glad and happy to share with you my wisdom and experience with Visualization - the one, probably the only, and definitely the most powerful programming skill there is.

I've heard of, over the years, many people who have failed to utilize this amazing tool for themselves, whether it was because of lack of knowledge on how to do it properly and the setups required, or whether it was simply because of lack of belief that it can actually work for them.

If you are regulars on my blog you have the luck and honor to be the only people who will get the following tips and knowledge, which are based on my 5 years experience using visualization for my own self developement. I don't like to brag, but when I compare my own self developement to other people, then I know for sure that it is because of my visualization skills that I am where I'm at.

There are too many articles on the internet on visualizing that I'm gonna bet my balls that their authors have 0% experience using them, and they just copied some ideas they heard from someone else.

I'm going to tell you here what realy works to make your visualizations powerful and real as much as possible, based on my experience, so give this a go.
This is probably going to be the most important post you'll ever read by someone.


Does Visualization realy work ?

YES.
Everybody uses visualization in some areas of their lives, whether they are aware of it or not.

Many people unconsciously create vividly imagined scenarios in their mind whenever they come to block themselves from doing something that scares them. They begin to imagine how it'll look, how it'll sound, and how it'll feel, and they do it so vividly that the imagined scenario feels just as real as if it already happend. Those people will then come to me and tell me "I can't visualize" which makes me literally laugh my ass off.

Visualization works simply because the mind cannot tell the difference between a real experience and a vividly imagined one. So if you can vividly imagine or remember a very pleasant experience, you will literally live that experience as if it was as real as a real experience, and you'll feel all the emotional states associated with it as if they were happening for real. YES, this is powerful! This means that you can feel successful and confident even today!

Pay close attention, though, to my languaging. I said "a vividly imagined experience", which means a full experience, with colors, details and sound.

If you haven't been able, up until now, to use visualization deliberately and intentionally to design the future you want for yourself, then the next part of this post may solve that problem for you once and for all.



KEYS TO POWERFUL & SUCCESSFUL VISUALIZATIONS:

1. Your state of mind - When you come to do the visualization is of super importance. You should do your visualizations when your mind is quiet and relaxed, your body is relaxed and released, and you are surrounded with silence. Anything that is relaxed, quiet, and clean. I recommend you get practiced at daily meditation to quiet and relax your mind, and then do the visualizations after your meditation.

2. Remove distractions - Close TV, close music, and close your room door as well if needed.

3. Allow as much time as needed to perform the visualization - Alot of people try to do the visualizations too quick. Whether its because of lack of patience, or lack of understanding just how delicate and gentle the mental work they are about to do realy is, or simply laziness and trying to imagine just the "end result", instead of the entire story that led to it, and then they wonder why it's not working for them. This is usually done because of time constraints. So, If you have a time constraint or you're just too anxious to finish your visualization asap, DO NOT VISUALIZE AT ALL! Go do something else, because you're obviously not taking it seriously, when you should. If you realy want your visualizations to work, Give as much time as needed. You are doing very sensitive and yet VERY POWERFUL work on your mind and subconscious here man, so give it as much time as it needs. Relax ,take as long as you need to remember everything you can as lively and as vividly as possible. When you take the time to visualize you can enter the visualized "world" much more deeply and strongly than you could in just a 3 minutes attempt. a 30 minutes "one experience" visualization is much more powerful than 5 times a "3 minute" scenario. This is KEY.

4. Visualize from an ASSOCIATED point of view - I'm not going to explain whats the difference between associated and dissociated here. Search Google for an explanation on this. This is another very important KEY. Associated imagery brings back all the emotions, resources, beliefs and attitudes, Dissociated does not.




How will I know if my Visualization worked?

You will FEEL it, dummy. And very powerfully too!
A successful visualization ends up with you feeling as if what you just imaged has actually happend for real, and this is a sign that you did it right.

You will immediately feel the effects of the visualization on your perception of reality, on the way you feel, your confidence, your attitude, your actions and behaviour. Everything will be immediately affected by it.

A successul Visualization will also affect your world in levels I don't realy want to get into in this post, because they are far beyond my understanding as well, but you may begin to experience wierd events in your life that are somehow "related" (or: "resonating") with your visualization, the right people will show up at the right times, you will be intuitively "redirected" to the right books .. you may suddenly have life-breaking realizations you never thought about before .. some realy crazy shit I'm telling you !!

This is based on my real experience with it, and based on many other's experiences as well.

Just follow the tips I layed in this post, and you will soon realize just how powerful visualization realy is.

And as a final note to close this post:
Use this knowledge at your own risk, it is very powerful.

-- leedrag0n



P.S: If I got you curious about the "realm of experience" that could not be understood and want to know more about this, as well as hear explanations by quantum physicists, you might want to check the movies "The Secret" and "What The Bleep Do We Know - Down The Rabbit Hole", I'm warning: These movies will blow your mind away, don't say I didn't warn you! :-)

Anchors (real experience!)

Hey guys !

In today's post I'm going to talk once again about anchors, and more specific about self created anchors - like the ones I explained in details in my State Design - Anchors Part 1 post from May.

What I want to share today is a real experience that I've had that will demonstrate just how powerful anchors are.

I think its good because in any area of life when you learn something new , or have an idea about something .. its almost always the actual exprience of that something that realy "drops the coin" in your mind about its effectiveness and makes you want to use it more.

So anyways .. a little background first:

Everytime before I go out to sarge I usually "prepare" myself with some ritual - To install the state I want to be in when I go out, bring back old memories of past successes, rehearse the things I want to work on, etc.

During the rituals I usually create anchors of the states that I go into, for instance: If I go into some sort of relaxed state (just as I explained in my State Design post) I'll anchor that state to a pressing of my left hand's thumb and index finger , or if I remember past successes and I get into a good state of confidence - I'll anchor that state to pressing my right hand's thumb and index finger, if I laugh (laughter) I'll anchor that to other fingers, etc ..

What happends is that I end my rituals and I go out to sarge (with the state I designed, of course) but I also end it with a stack of anchors on both my hands that I barely use (because I get myself into such a good state that I don't need it).

Anyways .. I took a few days off sarging - that means I have NOT done any ritual for the last 2 or 3 days .. and today I went to do an evening "sports" walk for about an hour.

During my walk a couple (guy and girl) came infront of me, and the girl was good looking and she looked at me, and as she did the guy did to. Now for some reason it brought up a realy unpleasant state .. that I later realized that returned everytime I saw a hot girl passing near me .. this unpleasant state was .. I don't know exactly how to describe it .. tension, fear .. whatever ..

And then I remembered that I had all these stack of anchors that I created on my hand.

Now.. a very useful technique that we learned in NLP is a technique called collapsing anchors, which essentialy is about associating a positive anchor with a currently installed negative one - that causes the negative one to "collapse" -or- to become associated with the good one.

So what I began to do is I began to pay attention to whenever the unpleasant state was coming, and as it was just beginning to arise - I immediately fired off one of my "positive anchors" that I've had in my right hand.

And guess what? After doing that for like 2 or 3 times I just tested it - I passed near a hottie, looked at her, and was paying attention to my state.. and I was relaxed and the old feeling has gone!

So far so good .. but I didn't stop there. At some part of my walk I happend to notice a plastic ball just laying on the street .. and if you guys know me personally you'd know that I just love football .. and whenever I get an opportunity to play football I get into a realy fun state. So I took that ball and started to play with it .. and as I realized I'm beginning to feel all fun and excited ... guess what I did? I ANCHORED IT to a new fingers combination on my left hand!!

So now I had created, on the fly, a new anchor. So now I had both the positive one from before on my right hand, and the new one now on my left hand.

I kept using both anchors whenever I even sensed just a little slight change in my state .. and to keep long story short - I reached a point that I went across a bus station filled with hotties .. and I was just so relaxed, so outwardly focused, so at ease .. that I could actually observe everything about them and talk to them freely without feeling a thing.

Now this completely blew my mind up - I was able to completely change and redesign my state, on the fly, without any ritual and without doing any mental work at all - it was all 100% pure anchors work!

The last 15 minutes of my walk I was just relaxed, focused, and at ease and I didn't have to do anything more - the new state has been completely replaced now .. and before I was about to return to my home ... I was thinking about what I just did here ... and it was an amazing realization to me - because I didn't do any ritual today, I just walked out the house "as is" ... the only thing I had with me ... was my anchors ..

Just think about the endless possibilities that can open up to you when you use this ..

-- leedrag0n

Interesting topics coming up soon!

Hey guys !

I'm working on a few realy interesting topics for discussion and presentation, and they will be up and ready when I finish working them .. as I also am less sitting near the computer as of lately.

In the meanwhile, here's something cool to kinda break the ice and the atmosphere.

Enjoy ;)



-- leedrag0n