In the last post I unpacked the first part in the equation of attitude & technique where I talked about the right attitude to have with women: a screening attitude.
Both in the last post and in the post before it ("Finding the balance between Attitude & Technique") I emphasized that in order to get results with women simply having the right attitude ISN'T ENOUGH. You must also know the right techniques for how to approach, open a conversation, talk and move things with women.
That's what I'm going to talk about in this post.
Because of the length of this post I decided to split it to 2 parts. The first part will describe the opening part, the second will talk about what to do after the opening.
I explained in detail in the last 2 posts why just learning attitude, without learning the right techniques, is a sabotage to your game. I see so many guys who desperately look for "the short path to success" and fall a victim to "gurus" who sell them materials that talk about "Attitude", and then these guys go out to the field without any knowledge on how to socialize, talk and open conversations with people properly and then they go out with their kick-ass "Attitude" and just scare people off because they try to talk to them in a NON-SOCIAL, non-calibrated, sometimes even terrifying way. These people usually sooner or later abandon the game because they see no results, and that's quite reasonable. YOU CAN'T GET RESULTS WITH JUST "ATTITUDE"! YOU MUST LEARN HOW TO BEHAVE AND CALIBRATE TO OTHER PEOPLE CORRECTLY!
That just makes sense, doesn't it?
So let's start with the Techniques. As I said before, Attitude & Technique realy go hand in hand together, therefore I figure that in order to fully understand these techniques, one must also understand the driving principles and thinking behind them so they will make full sense to him.
So, there are 3 KEYS that drive EVERYTHING I'm going to talk about in this post, and they are:
1. Emotions - As I talked about before in great detail, human beings are driven by how they FEEL. If they feel good, safe, and fun about an activity, they'll KEEP doing it and they'll move TOWARDS it. If they feel bad, threatened or discomfort about it, they'll RUN AWAY from it. This just makes sense. Plus: always remember that emotions drive actions and by triggering the right emotions you can trigger the right actions you want from women. More on this later.
2. Dynamics - In the last post I mentioned that the dynamics between you and a woman are crucial for your success with her. The WORST dynamics (and some women will constantly try to put you in it..) is one where you are chasing after her. This is realy all about investment. The ideal dynamic to create is one where SHE is investing more than you in the conversation, because the more she is "investing" the more she actually wants it. A dynamic where BOTH OF YOU invest the same amount back at each other is ok too, but NEVER one where YOU make all the moves. So in every move you make, be alert and aware to the Dynamics that such move creates. Sometimes you may have to deliberately take a step back from the interaction to see if she is taking a step forward and invests in it. This is also related to the next point..
3. Screening - I'll talk in depth about this one. OK Listen: Although naturally you'll want to make your moves focus around creating the right emotional states, they also have to screen the woman in someway. This is realy crucial. There are many reasons for this: Main one being the dynamics that are created as I explained in the last point. You always want to make sure the woman is investing in the interaction at least as much as you do, and ideally MORE than you, and in order to condition this you have to sometimes make moves that are deliberately designed to not only "screen" the woman but to also create an investment (or compliancy) on her part. The whole "chasing her" dynamics, as being presented in the movies, in reality not only that it doesn't "seduce" or "excite" women in anyway, it also gives them a golden opportunity to categorize you as a "chaser/orbiter", which makes you LESS interesting in her eyes. This is also related to the emotions it creates. When something is too obvious and taken for granted to a woman, it just feels boring and expected, and that's when they use it to take over the dynamics and make you chase them, because they realy don't "feel" any desire towards you. "Boring" doesn't motivate or seduce her in anyway, "Challenging" or "Interesting" does. Another reason why you want to screen women is to check for personality traits in her you are looking for and of course to avoid wasting your time on women who do not fit game wise. Example: Goldiggers. Even more than this, when women feel they are being screened, it creates a challenge for her to "prove" you that she's not like that. "Challenge" is a good motivator as it creates a desire in a woman to prove you otherwise AND it also creates investment and compliancy. I'll talk more about this later in this post.
So behind every move you make with a woman, whether its Approaching, Opening, Talking or Closing, you want to ideally think in terms of both Emotions (what emotions is this designed to arise in her), Screening (what can I screen for with this move..), and Dynamics (how do I create an investment from her? what dynamics does this move create?).
I'll get back to these 3 letters, E.S.D - Emotions, Screening, Dynamics, throughout the rest of this post. If you can remember and master these 3 letters in your head, you WILL be alot better than almost ANY GUY out there who fucks it up in one or more of those.
So after I laid out the basic understandings, let's get the basic techniques now..
Approaching:
By "Approaching" I mean the non-verbal act of physically walking up and/or positioning yourself near a woman you want BEFORE you open your mouth.
The psychology that you have to understand here is that most people (if not all) are usually going to feel scared of a stranger that suddenly walks up to them and starts talking to them. If you don't believe it, imagine yourself for a moment walking down the street when you suddenly see some guy passing the street and walks up directly at you. You don't know this guy.. what's your FIRST reaction going to be? How will you FEEL in that moment? Exactly! So it goes the same for WOMEN as well.
The right way to do this step is to structure your approach to appear as if "it just happend" accidently or naturally that you stood near her and started talking, which is also perceived as a safe and non-threatening encounter. As I just demonstrated to you with the example above, this section of the game is perceived and played non-verbally, therefore one must understand the basic rules of non-verbal communications done here.
Remember the basic attitude for the Approach!
Yes, we go back to the attitude that drives it all. This is what "drives" you internally in your actions, remember, as always: You are there to screen for women who are friendly, open, and fun. If you still apply all of the following principles and run into women who respond negatively to them, just LET THEM GO! They are not useful targets.
So let's unpack approaching a little further..
Eye Contact:
Eye Contact plays a big role here. Ideally, you want to NEVER be seen to be looking at her when she FIRST see's you - this automatically removes the "This guy wants to talk to me" perception of you, and it just feels way more safe to her, which is what you aim at.
There is one exception to this though: What happends if she DID see you looking at her? Well, if she did "catch" you looking at her, the question is how far you are from each other at that moment. If you are both very close to each other then the ideal move here would be to immediately throw a preopener at her. A preopener is just a neutral question of sorts: Asking for directions, asking for the time etc. If you do this, you again create a good perception about you of "OK, this guy is safe he just wanted to ask me something.." and appear to be a guy who was just looking for some help, and you can also transition very easily to a conversation from it. (I'll get to it later in the section about preopeners.. for now this is all related to Eye Contact).
If you are far from each other, though, and she did catch you looking at her, it's again no big deal either. Just break eye contact and continue as usual. You may occasionally check her out briefly, or even decide to walk up and use a preopener. The important thing to remember here is to NEVER stare at her - staring at people just scares them off and appears to be threatening = VERY bad!
So as long as you don't stare in her, then the Eye Contact game can actually be a good screening tool: If you catched her looking at you more than once, or if you both looked at each other and she didn't get scared from it, that means good things about her = it can mean she likes you, it can mean she is a friendly person who doesn't run off from interactions. It's great.
Positioning:
OK, now after we talked about Eye Contact, let's move to talk about positioning yourself near her to talk. Key rule here is to NEVER walk directly at her - again, this is threatening and may scare her off, which you never want!
If she's in a static position (aka: not moving), think of a good "excuse" in your head to walk near her, almost as if you direct a scene from a movie that makes it appear accidental. Yeah this requires some gaming skills. Now I know some guys will scream: "Never excuse, bla bla bla".. No, this is BULLSHIT guys! The whole "Never excuse yourself" attitude just turns people into arrogant and tactless guys who scare women off. If you really wanna be a master at approaching, forget that crap and Listen to what I say here: Think of some "excuse", just for yourself, why you walked near her, and then walk over there slowly and elegantly in a way that "fits" your scene and appears as if "it just happend". For example: She is in the bar, and you wanted to get a drink OR put your jacket in her chair. This makes the approach seem "accidental" in her eyes, which is what you want. When you do it, combine it with the Eye Contact thing and DO NOT LOOK AT HER until you catch her looking at you first, and only THEN you can open and it's going to open her up. If it's in a store, and she stands near an aisle, you can just walk up to that aisle to check for some product and then "accidentally" bump into her, without looking at her at first, again..
If she's on the move, again think "accidental" and spontaneous: you just walk at each other, without looking at her of course (as this will CREEP her out..) and in the "last moment" you stop her with a preopener of sorts because she was the closest person who accidentaly passed near you and you wanted to ask her something.
I will sometimes even "direct" a scene where I'm talking on the phone with someone as she passes near me, which makes this seem totally spontaneous to her. Yeah I know it sounds like a play from a movie, but this is exactly why they call us "Players", and why seduction is an art.. don't you think? :-)
Another great tactic I started to use recently is that I will see a woman standing near a seller, and I will actually deliberately walk up to the seller and ignore the woman I want completely and talk to the seller. This is perceived, again, by the woman, as being random and safe, and also it gives her a "glimpse" of the way an interaction with me would go.. and because the sellers are usually friendly and nice with me, that's an even better setup for the approach because it creates some level of jealousy in the woman.. and alot of times, believe it or not, it makes the woman open me herself first.. by listening to what I talk about with the seller and then "sharing" her opinion.. and even if she didn't open me, well at least she now saw me and perceives me as a friendly, non-threatening and safe person.. so from here I can just move on to "bump into her" accidentally again, and start as normal.
Inducing an "Approach Invite":
This is an advanced concept I have learned from Gunwitch, but it is genius and works like magic based on psychology alone. You can use this principle on stationary women and EVEN on women who are on the move and it works the same in both cases when applied right.
Basically before you start talking to her, you can make her feel as if she is the one who actually invited you to talk herself. I won't go into the psychology behind it here, if you want you can get Gunwitch's "Way Of Gun" course to learn it. But basically this is done by appearing to be looking at something in her general direction (but NOT on her!). This way you can see her in your peripheral vision and notice when she is looking at you. When she see's you she of course notices that you are not looking at her.. which by itself already makes it feel alot more safe to her. But there's something else that is realy clever here - When you wait for HER to "notice" you first.. and SHE WILL of course at some point.. and only THEN you initiate a talk with her.. it feels to HER, at core levels, not only more safe and "accepted" but also it feels to her like something she has invited you to.
To her, at internal level, it feels as if SHE gave you "The Vibe" to start talking to her, so therefore it can NEVER resisted by her and just goes to work like clockwork. This is extremely powerful.
Now, the best thing about it is that you can even apply it when a chick is walking near you or at your direction - You basically look at something in her general area (but NOT her, of course).. then again at some point she WILL look at you, of course, and then when you spot this "artificial vibe" you induced, only then you talk to her.
Try it in the real world. You won't believe how effective this approach is.
Screening:
At the approach phase, you can also screen the woman very quickly: If you position yourself near her in a way that is safe and accidental, and she still keeps moving away from you more than once, that basically SCREENS HER OUT immediately, so it saves you time already right there.
Also at the preopener phase, you can see how well she responds to it - if she seems friendly and open and ideally if she STAYS there and gives you a long and invested response, that's a realy good indicator. On the other hand, if she doesn't stop and throws a one word answer just to run away from the interaction, she is immediately SCREENED OUT.
Guys - DO NOT be afraid to SCREEN WOMEN OUT! Actually, if you can let women go at the same ease as you can let them in (or: Approach them and give them an opportunity), then your life with women will be VERY easy and enjoyable. I know that alot of guys just can't let women go easily and that's the reason for ALL their problems with women. Consider this deeply..
So to sum Approaching up: The Approach is realy all about creating an "accidental", safe, non-threatening and/or even spontaneous encounter that feels relaxed, pleasant and comfortable for the woman (and you too, of course). The Approach is also designed to screen out women who are non-friendly or non-receptive right off before even opening them.
Mastering the art of Approaching is all about mastering how you manage your Eye Contact, your Positioning, and your creativity in creating random and/or "accidental" or spontaneous encounters with or without preopeners.
So now, once I shared with you how to approach women properly, let's move to how to open them properly..
Opening:
As I explained in the last section in detail, the "approach" is realy the setup for the opening. If your setup for the opening is safe, spontaneous and accidental, then opening is alot easier and will be received WAY better. Also, it will be easier to transition to a conversation from it.
Sometimes though, there are situations where it's difficult to create a good approach and you just have to open her. This is where the preopener gets into play..
Preopener:
A preopener is generally something that I always use, even with a good approach, and EVEN if the woman has gave me indicators of interest first, as a setup for the opening itself.
A preopener is just a neutral comment or question in nature that is designed to "break the ice" with a stranger and create responsiveness in her. it can be anything from "What time is it?", to "Can you take a picture of us?" (in a club) all the way to "Excuse me, are you the sister of X by chance?" (X = Some name..) or even "That's a nice purse". It's not designed to create a full-on conversation yet, but it's a really useful setup for it.. for several reasons:
1. It breaks the ice and creates some rapport - Because you are no longer "a stranger" in their eyes after the preopener. Now, you are someone they "know" at some level, and because the preopener is perceived as something neutral, you are also a safe and non-threatening person now, which gives you a great start.
2. It creates a response - People are naturally conditioned to response to preopeners anytime, anywhere. If you don't believe me, walk up to 100 georgous women and ask them what time is it. You'll get an almost 100% response rate, I guarantee you.
3. It creates responsiveness - Or "response potential". Once they responsed the first time, it's going to be extremely difficult for them to not response to another question you ask because you just conditioned them to response and rapport with you.
4. Can be used anytime, anywhere - And you don't always have to create an approach setup for it.
5. Helps you screen them out VERY quickly - Basically how they answer to your preopener can show you ALOT about their openess and friendliness right off the bat, so you can already here make a decision whether you want to talk to them more, or not.
6. Sometimes, a preopener is all that is required to open them - Yes, believe it or not, some women respond SO good to a preopener that you can instantly transition them to a conversation from it alone.
So basically a preopener is realy just another approaching tool, that's why it's called a preopener, not an opener, but it helps you setup a realy good opening.
Here's a useful tip: When you deliver your preopener, be aware to the state she is in and match it accordingly. You don't have to do it precisely, just be aware to it and adapt your preopener. This can realy make a difference, as people are naturally more open and receptive to others who are "like them" or "at their level" in an unconscious level.
Opening Sequence:
Now let's talk about structuring a good and effective sequence to open a conversation with any woman, and this sequence can also be used to strike up a conversation with virtually anyone.
Once the approach, once the preopener, it's time to actually strike a conversation with the other person. A key thinking to remember is this: Women are emotional creatures. My strategy is that I want to create good and/or intriguing emotions in them first - that way, the interaction is going to become something pleasurable that she enjoys or something intriguing that she's drawn to and will naturally want more of, thus making me more interesting, intriguing, and enjoying in their eyes, so her enjoyment and intrigue will make her open up and start to invest in the interaction, which is exactly what I want!
How is this done?
Well post approaching, post the preopener, I usually prefer to start with a basic and simple Comment/Question/Observation sequence that is designed to create responsiveness from the woman. I learned this from Ross Jeffries, so full credits to him. This sequence is VERY useful because it creates responsiveness (aka: "response potential") and an ongoing communication with the woman in a way that is NEVER detected and is also perceived as something that "just happends" between you naturally and effortlessly.
The cleverness of the C/Q/O sequence is that each piece in it sets up the piece that follows: Your comment ("Nice shoes..") gets a response from her and sets her up to your question that follows ("Where did you buy them?") that once again gets a response from her and sets her up to your observation ("I have a friend who has exactly the same kind.. this is such a coincidence..") and because all of the parts are supporting and connected to each other, it realy goes like clockwork and feels, to her, like something that "just happends" in a natural and flowing way.
When you combine this sequence with a preopener and a good approach, this all merges smoothly to an ongoing/flowing conversation that you can then take to any direction you want - you can start talking about the weather, or the place you're both at, or bring any topic you'd like easily. This structure creates rapport and opens a flowing communication between you that you can then use to start evoking positive emotional states in her such as intrigue, fun, laughter and enjoyment BEFORE you move on to actually meeting her (By asking her "Are you from the area?" or "Where are you from?" and going on from there..), and by doing all of this together, you set up the framework for a very pleasant conversation that you can then start seducing her in!
I'm telling you: If you will use and apply the structure as I showed it in here, you WILL increase your response rate from women BIG TIME!
As you can see, this is all based on influence and psychology, nothing random or accidental. Yes, it IS structured in a way that is perceived to other people "as if" it just happend accidentally and feels pleasant and effortless to them (which is GREAT) but it is actually a system that you can remember easily and is flexible enough to adopt to any situation.
Then once I get a nice opening I will usually, within the first minute of the interaction, try to create some intrigue, enjoyment and/or curiousity and interest in the woman. This is what can realy make all the difference. Why do I do this? Again because women are emotional creatures. So if she enjoys or gets a thrill from the interaction with me.. she'll naturally WANT to stay there and get more.. and she will view me through a way different light as someone more interesting! (Think about it..)
How do I do this? Sometimes it can be throwing a small joke to make them laugh (which is ideally the first emotion I want, because of the enjoyment it creates..), sometimes it can be throwing something that gets them curious (like: how do we know each other already? :)) in rare cases I may throw a small challenge. Nonetheless, evoking these small "emotions" right at the start make the interaction with you into something pleasurable, interesting and intriguing - which makes them naturally want to stay and enjoy more of it, which is what you want!
What to do after this will be covered in the next part.
So that was it for part 1 guys, feel free to post your feedback, questions, etc.
-- leedrag0n
