So .. What REALY creates ATTRACTION?

I promised you in the last post, so here goes.

We all know that one of the major factors in our ability to succeed with a woman is whether or not she's actually attracted to us.

What is attraction?

What creates this attraction?

I'll answer these in this post ..

What is attraction?

Attraction is a vague word that describes an overall state of fascination , a desire of a woman to meet you , an interest of knowing more about you , a feeling of joy in your presence , etc. All these things that makes a woman go "Wow this guy is realy attractive, I want to meet him!". It's what pulls the woman into you very strongly, almost irresistible to escape, almost like a magnet.

It also goes the other way around - when a woman is NOT attracted to you, she will feel repulsed, disgusted, she won't feel any desire to talk to you, and may even feel a desire to escape your presence.

What creates the attraction?

I'm sure you've all read of all the many openers, routines, patterns, "negs" etc. that are said to create attraction, but in fact they do not. The only they create are different emotional states that work on women to get them hooked up into the conversation: emotions like curiousity, challenge, disapproval ("negs"..), etc.

Now, these are not bad things at all - when women feel those emotional states they feel an urge to act on them, so they respond and they do hook up to the conversation for a while. This works for getting their attention to you (remember the "Pickup Stages" post?) so you can then try and move on from there.

But the attraction that I talk about is something else, and in many cases the women will not even want to listen to you if you're not attractive to them. More times than not, this has to do with initial first impression level, which is a very important factor for the rest of the interaction. Things that women notice on you minutes before you even approach them.

So what do I talk about?

I'm talking about this basic formula:

ATTRACTION = LOOKS + VIBE + BEHAVIOUR

Now, let me briefly dive in and explain each of these, and why they are such a strong determinent on the overall level of "attraction" a woman feels towards you:

Element #1 of attraction = Looks

Let's put the theories aside, we all know that this is true as a matter of fact a strong determinent and first impression that will make a woman decide "Oh, this guy is attractive" or not. I'm not saying that you have to be a model or have a 6-packs ab to be attractive. this is huge misconception because looks are not as important as vibe and behaviour (and i'll get into it shortly) , but suffice to say you have to look at least decent, hygienic, clean and overall not repulsive. When you look lazy, and messed up, or repulsive you negatively impact the first impression people get when they first look at you. And in case you haven't yet realized: THE FIRST IMPRESSION THAT PEOPLE GET OF YOU, WILL DETERMINE HUGELY ON THE REST OF THEIR INTERACTION WITH YOU!!!!!!

This is because that on an unconscious level, people will look at you and make immediate first impression conclusions about you , and this will setup a "filter" through which they will look at you for the rest of the interaction. The people who do not realize how important that is, are also the people who never get results but they still live in an illusion called "Pickup Artist". Get out of that illusion and get back to reality! :-)

So we concluded that looks plays a role in generating the attraction, what exactly in looks?

A. Hygiene - Shave, have a decent haircut, and smell ok.

B. Clothes - Put on decent clothes, not geek style, but rather normal, fashionable stuff, that makes you look

as a decent human being.

Element #2 of attraction = Vibe

Vibe and Behaviour (the next section) are the two most dominant aspects of your attractiveness, and in fact while your looks may be limited to some degree on how much you can improve them, you CAN improve your vibe and behaviour all the time to show up much more attractive to women.

Vibe is the more dominant of the two, I suppose.

Now what is exactly Vibe? Vibe is the overall feeling that women get in the communication with you.

This is something that is perceived at an unconscious level by people. Just as an example - Imagine the difference between a guy who walks over slouched, with his hands closed, with a sad look on his face, mumble words and tries talking to you, compared to a guy who walks in with a straight posture, arms wide, smiles to you and talks clearly with you? Even you, as a guy, could feel a huge difference between how you feel and perceive these two guys differently. With women, this plays an even stronger role, since women are very strongly led by how they feel, so the vibe you create plays a very very important role here!

What elements play a role in Vibe exactly?

I'll lay out the elements here, and how I believe they are perceived not only by women but others in general.

Feel free to tell me whether I'm right or wrong:

A. Posture - Very important, how you hold yourself. Do you hold yourself straight (confident) or slouched (fearful/shy)?

B. Speed of movements - Do you move your body fast (nervous), or slow (relaxed)?

C. Pace of speech - Do you talk fast (nervous/pressured), or slow (relaxed, at ease)?

D. Facial expressions - Do you smile too much (feminine, seeking approval), or you have a sealed expression (masculine, don't care about approval)? And do you know how to balance those two?

E. Tonality - Very important! Do you have a strong and clean voice (confident, secured) or a weak, unheard voice (shy/fearful)?

F. Eye contact - Very important! Do you break eye contact while talking (insecured, shy) or do you maintain eye contact (confident, attractive)?

G. Body movements - Do you move your hands and your overall body too much (wierd, hard to follow) or do you maintain a fixed position while talking (understood, pleasant to follow)?

As you can see, I've only made a list of few of the most important aspects of vibe here. How much do you think these things can affect your attractiveness? How much do you think they can be improved?

Now let me talk here about a huge misconception that is being taught to guys, and fucks them up big time.

The misconception i'm talking about is the one that says: "fix your internal state, and all of these outer elements will be fixed as well". This is just not true, it's only HALF TRUE, And i'll explain:

Yes, it is going to be true if your state is very strong, so strong in fact to the point that it takes over your entire physiology. We know that state affects physiology since the mind and body are interconnected. But for the most part: A. We are not in very high states in our normal day to day lives. and B. Most of the "inner game" stuff is about releasing yourself so you can allow your "true self" to come out more naturally. But what exactly is this "true self"? Is it a "self" that is attractive to women? Are your normal habitual ways of communicating, that an inner peace lets out easily, are attractive?

You can't know if you don't see it for yourself!

When we are in a neutral and relaxed state, what comes out in our communication are our habitual ways of communicating with people. And those are all the things that are written above.

How can you fix those? The answer: by rehearsing!

USE A CAMERA AND A RECORDER, AND REHEARSE, REHEARSE & REHEARSE!

That's right!

Anything you rehearse you eventually become a habit that you do automatically without thought.

Consider the following metaphor - Imagine you're going into a battle zone, and someone hands you a gun. Won't you want to first check it to see that it actually works? To see that it has ammo? To see that it has the ability to work? Well, in a sense - so many guys are just going out to the field without checking how they look, what they project, and how they communicate with others! These guys will then tell you things like "I've tried so many things, and NOTHING WORKED! This entire community sucks! None of the techniques work!" , well DUH .. on the other side of the scale, you've probably met guys that didn't use any techniques, any routines, and girls just seemed to be flowing all over them. You will then call these guys "naturals" or "they have natural charm", etc ... THIS IS ALL BULLSHIT, AND ALL BASED ON FALSE MISCONCEPTIONS!

It all comes down to your habitual ways of communicating. And you can definitely improve those!

Realy ponder this for a while..

Element #3 of attraction = Behaviour

Well, so far we talked about Looks & Vibe. Vibe is a huge aspect of attractiveness, perhaps the most dominant one, and when you'll fix it, you'll begin to notice women everywhere looking at you, giving IOIs, even to the point where women will start approaching you! (this may sound unreal, but i'm not kidding at all! and you've surely heard of guys like that ...).

These are all things that are perceived at an unconscious, non verbal level, even before you open your mouth and start talking to them. This is the first impression stuff. It's realy powerful.

The last element of attractiveness, is behaviour. Behaviour can definitely affect the attraction level others have towards us. Think about some woman who is trying to push your forcefully into a relationship that you are not interested in, or who keeps accusing you of stuff all the time. How will you feel towards her? Not so great, right?

This is exactly where the way we bahave affects the way others perceive and feel towards us.

Behaviour is something that is being reflected by our actions and most importantly - our attitude.

Attractive behaviour comes from an attitude of independence, acceptance, and releasing expectations from others. Unattractive (or repulsive) behaviour is one of dependency (neediness), trying to push your opinion on others, and looking to get guarantees from others. Attractive behaviour makes people more attracted to you, Unattractive behaviour pushes people away from you.

What elements play a role in Behaviour?

A. Dependent (Unattractive) -vs- Independent (Attractive)

B. Inflicting yourself on others (Unattractive) -vs- Giving others their freedom (Attractive)

C. Seeking Approval (Unattractive) -vs- Don't need approval from others (Attractive)

D. Criticising others (Unattractive) -vs- Accepting others as they are (Attractive)

E. Unauthentic, or not real, liar (Unattractive) -vs- Authentic, or real, true (Attractive)

Those are the big 5 elements of behaviour that can affect how attractive you are.

How to fix these?

Well, now we go back to what all the "Inner game" stuff talks about - your internal state of mind.

Behaviour is mostly affected by how you feel inside, your internal state. This is what mostly affect the way you behave with people. This is what will determine whether you'll be dependent & pushy, or accepting and at ease, whether you'll be authentic, or unauthentic, whether you'll seek approval or walk through the world loyal to yourself.

FIXING YOUR STATE OF MIND - WILL FIX YOUR BEHAVIOUR TO WOMEN!

This has alot to do with your beliefs & attitudes, your world views and how you perceive women. I'm not going to discuss this any further in here.

Conslusion:

So, we conclude this post by saying that Attraction = Looks + Vibe + Behaviour.

Vibe is about your habitual ways of communicating with others, and Behaviour is about how you feel inside yourself about the idea of interacting and meeting women, and how you feel towards yourself.

In the next post, I'll bring some good tips on how to improve your tonality, which is a very important aspect of the Vibe. Feel free to leave your comments on this post!

Until next time, peace..

-- leedrag0n

Are you "excusing" yourself?

What's up guys?

Starting this month, I'm going to start to break misleading myths there are about women.

And in this post, we're going to once and for ever break the huge misconception of what it is to "excuse" yourself when you approach a woman, vs being polite.

So.. are you *realy* excusing yourself when you approach a woman?

One of the biggest themes of arguments among guys in the community is whether or not you are "excusing yourself" when you approach a woman. The problem is, that almost like 99.9% of the materials in the community, this subject has neven been thoroughly discussed in details using real world evidence or by realy serious guys who have studied communications and/or had enough experience to be able to pinpoint down as to exactly what it is to be "excusing" yourself when approaching and what is not.

What this leads to?

Guys approaching women in a complete inpolite way, breaking into their personal space without any second thought, acting like complete assholes and then wondering why they never score. Well, at least they believe in the illusion that they "not excusing" themselves and thus are "more attractive", where in fact they are just being inpolite assholes.

So .. let's talk about FACTS first!

OK guys, basic first fact about communication is that the words what you say impact only 7% of the message received by the other person. The rest 93% of your message comes from your body language, your eye contact, your tonality, facial expression and the way you hold and move yourself. Don't argue with me on this guys, because this has been proven by people who have studied this subject way more than either of us did.

What does this imply then?

Well, it implies that your words mean nothing. It's how you say them that makes the whole difference.

But it's not even how you say them - It's the intention that stands behind them, that is conveyed through your behaviour. This is what truely makes the difference between "excusing yourself" and not.

How so ?

Well like I said, people can understand your intention from your non-verbal communications - the way you behave, the way you move, the way you hold yourself up and talk.

Now listen to this, because this is CRUCIAL and if you'll get this, SO MUCH will clear up for you:

If you are approaching a woman and you are standing near her, waiting for the perfect moment to talk, hesitating about your approach - This is called "excusing" yourself. You are waiting for an excuse to start talking to her. People get this message unconsciously much more powerfully even before you open your mouth. This is the conveyed message: You see the woman, she saw that you saw her, and you are hesitating. It DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU SAY AFTERWARDS, you already conveyed the message. She already received it. You didn't even get to say one word. THIS IS HOW COMMUNICATION BETWEEN PEOPLE REALY HAPPEND IN THE REAL WORLD!

Your communication with another person starts before you even open your mouth !!

EXAMPLES OF "EXCUSING" YOURSELF AND BEING POLITE:

Case A: Guy see's a girl, she saw that he saw her, guy approaches girl directly and starts the conversation in a polite way. "Hi, Forgive me for interrupt you guys, but I just had to say I saw you and I thought you're realy cute and I had to come and say Hi." and waits for girl to reciprocate and then continues.

Case B: Guy see's a girl, she saw that he saw her, guy waits and continues to talk with his friends to act "disinterested" so she doesn't get "bitchy". After a couple minutes he walks over to her area, but is still not looking at her, and he is placing himself near her so he can start a "casual" conversation so he doesn't come off as "excusing" himself. (But he already did by his behaviour and intention!) Guy then starts casual convo with girl.

What's the difference between the two cases?

In Case A - The guy was definitely not excusing himself by his behaviour and attitude, and the girl (and everyone else) can get this message very powerfully through the non-verbal communications. He was polite, though, accepting the fact that she may be busy and acknowleding into her comfort space. The perfect approach!

Case B - The guy was excusing himself through his behaviour and attitude, and the girl (and everyone else) gets this message very powerfully as well. Because the girl knows the guy saw her and is interested, but he creating an "excuse" to start talking with her, rather than going for it. The guy's approach was ok verbally, but it still doesn't matter.

Conclusion:

There is nothing wrong about being polite with women. A woman will not think "Oh this guy is not attractive" because you are being polite as you start talking to her. Attraction has nothing to do about your words anyway (More on this in the next post..) and in many times its already there before you even open your mouth.

Being polite and learning how to be polite with people and express yourself with manners and empathy with others can, however, allow you to approach and meet women in situations that up until now you thought were impossible for you.

Realy grasp this.

-- leedrag0n

Un-learn everything you've learned!

OK,

So this is my first blog post for the new year 2011.

It's 3:12AM in the morning as I'm writing this post, and well.. since I haven't written here for like a month or so it would be best if i can get you up to speed with what I've been doing recently..

Part 1: Going for women that I most desire

Recently I started approaching and going only for women that I most desire - that are realy attractive to me, that I don't find so often, and that I don't run into them so frequently.

When you start gaming women that you most desire, you have to forget about all the PU "rules". They don't work in this league. And further even, they will produce alot more damage than benefit to you.

How come?

Because alot of the PU rules are about "nexting" girls that don't go along with the flow. Alot of them are about teasing and being playful with girls (which may not work on some girls..), or about things like GFTOW (Go-Fuck-Ten-Other-Women) and setting up the lead, or setting the tone and if the girl doesn't follow then you should "next" her and move to the next girl..

These rules don't work when you game women that you realy want. Why?

Because let's assume you approached a girl who is realy attractive to you, and she's showing interest back. You want to get a result here. And when you see that being an asshole who tries to take the lead (that doesn't work well on some women..) or that you try to be a tease (that doesn't work on some women..) or that you try to go and "close the deal" as soon as possible (that doesn't work on some women..) you get into a conclusion that it takes more flexibility here, and that's a whole new level of gaming. You want to get to this level, because you're approaching women you most desire in order to get results. Duh!

Part 2 - No more rules

One example of such a flexibility, is the whole notion of "trying to close the deal as soon as possible".

Most of the "PU" methods are based on building a structure that will lead you from approach-to-lay and if the girl doesn't fit in, you "next" her.

Some girls just don't feel ready yet to close the deal, and if you don't want to just "next" them (which I certainly don't) then you need to be more flexible and sometimes you have to give up on the idea of trying to close them as soon as possible. give them more time.

Some girls need to open up and feel comfortable with you before they move any further.

Do not forget - when you're into cold-approaching game, even though some girls will find you attractive, they still don't know you well enough, and this may play an issue for some of them, and trying to push them to a quick close will just freak them out and draw them away from you and You don't want this to happend, especially if it's a girl you realy want.

When you are gaming a realy attractive women of your choice, you want a result.

You want to be safer and neutral, and that's perfectly fine. I believe that if a girl is realy attracted to you (and attraction is way different than what they teach in the community, and I may enhance about it in another post..) then you asking her if it's ok to take her phone number will not, in anyway, reduce her attraction to you. That's probably one of the stupidest ideas I ever heard of!

So forget about these stupid rules of "Tell her what to do, don't ask for permission" type of crap out there, because that is realy bullshit and has nothing to do with attraction. It's even perfectly fine to let her take the lead at some point too. Actually, in any natural interaction between two people, the lead always replaces sides.

Part 3 - Be completely focused on the other person

You're in this game to get results with women you desire.

When you realy want to get a result, you're going to play it safer and make less mistakes. This is obvious.

How can you know what to do?

Well the answer is important here: You have to realy show genuine interest in the other person.

And this is not only for the sake of getting liked, but it's also, and more important - to get an understanding of the other person (girl) world. Find out what he likes, what motivates him, what drives him. This does not only creates a connection between people, but it also gives you the real information you need to know about how to create a connection with her, trust, and maybe later to even have sex with her!

And you cant EVER do it if you're in the "asshole" mode of not listening and always commanding.

I'll say that again: You can't know anything about the other person if you're into "asshole" mode.

People love to answer questions, this creates connection, and this provides you with information that let's you know what should be done next.

Part 4 - Flexibility

You need flexibility with women that you most desire because you want them. Duh.

It's like when you're aiming at getting accepted into a realy high class company - You want it, they may like you, but they could have demands too. If you want to get accepted, you may have to lower your ego and get ready to give up on a few points too, no?

Same goes with women.

When you're gaming the women you realy want, all the rules collapse, and you'll do better if you just play it safer, ask the other person questions, show genuine interest, work on creating a connection, and forgetting about the need to close it right now.

-- leedrag0n

Happy new year all!

Hey all!

The new year has just started, and I already have a couple of realy good stuff coming up in the next following weeks.

I know I haven't written here in a long time, but believe me when I say that I have alot of stuff to share pretty soon that is going to BLOW YOUR MIND!

So stay tuned, it will be worth it.

-- leedrag0n