Are you "excusing" yourself?

What's up guys?

Starting this month, I'm going to start to break misleading myths there are about women.

And in this post, we're going to once and for ever break the huge misconception of what it is to "excuse" yourself when you approach a woman, vs being polite.

So.. are you *realy* excusing yourself when you approach a woman?

One of the biggest themes of arguments among guys in the community is whether or not you are "excusing yourself" when you approach a woman. The problem is, that almost like 99.9% of the materials in the community, this subject has neven been thoroughly discussed in details using real world evidence or by realy serious guys who have studied communications and/or had enough experience to be able to pinpoint down as to exactly what it is to be "excusing" yourself when approaching and what is not.

What this leads to?

Guys approaching women in a complete inpolite way, breaking into their personal space without any second thought, acting like complete assholes and then wondering why they never score. Well, at least they believe in the illusion that they "not excusing" themselves and thus are "more attractive", where in fact they are just being inpolite assholes.

So .. let's talk about FACTS first!

OK guys, basic first fact about communication is that the words what you say impact only 7% of the message received by the other person. The rest 93% of your message comes from your body language, your eye contact, your tonality, facial expression and the way you hold and move yourself. Don't argue with me on this guys, because this has been proven by people who have studied this subject way more than either of us did.

What does this imply then?

Well, it implies that your words mean nothing. It's how you say them that makes the whole difference.

But it's not even how you say them - It's the intention that stands behind them, that is conveyed through your behaviour. This is what truely makes the difference between "excusing yourself" and not.

How so ?

Well like I said, people can understand your intention from your non-verbal communications - the way you behave, the way you move, the way you hold yourself up and talk.

Now listen to this, because this is CRUCIAL and if you'll get this, SO MUCH will clear up for you:

If you are approaching a woman and you are standing near her, waiting for the perfect moment to talk, hesitating about your approach - This is called "excusing" yourself. You are waiting for an excuse to start talking to her. People get this message unconsciously much more powerfully even before you open your mouth. This is the conveyed message: You see the woman, she saw that you saw her, and you are hesitating. It DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU SAY AFTERWARDS, you already conveyed the message. She already received it. You didn't even get to say one word. THIS IS HOW COMMUNICATION BETWEEN PEOPLE REALY HAPPEND IN THE REAL WORLD!

Your communication with another person starts before you even open your mouth !!

EXAMPLES OF "EXCUSING" YOURSELF AND BEING POLITE:

Case A: Guy see's a girl, she saw that he saw her, guy approaches girl directly and starts the conversation in a polite way. "Hi, Forgive me for interrupt you guys, but I just had to say I saw you and I thought you're realy cute and I had to come and say Hi." and waits for girl to reciprocate and then continues.

Case B: Guy see's a girl, she saw that he saw her, guy waits and continues to talk with his friends to act "disinterested" so she doesn't get "bitchy". After a couple minutes he walks over to her area, but is still not looking at her, and he is placing himself near her so he can start a "casual" conversation so he doesn't come off as "excusing" himself. (But he already did by his behaviour and intention!) Guy then starts casual convo with girl.

What's the difference between the two cases?

In Case A - The guy was definitely not excusing himself by his behaviour and attitude, and the girl (and everyone else) can get this message very powerfully through the non-verbal communications. He was polite, though, accepting the fact that she may be busy and acknowleding into her comfort space. The perfect approach!

Case B - The guy was excusing himself through his behaviour and attitude, and the girl (and everyone else) gets this message very powerfully as well. Because the girl knows the guy saw her and is interested, but he creating an "excuse" to start talking with her, rather than going for it. The guy's approach was ok verbally, but it still doesn't matter.

Conclusion:

There is nothing wrong about being polite with women. A woman will not think "Oh this guy is not attractive" because you are being polite as you start talking to her. Attraction has nothing to do about your words anyway (More on this in the next post..) and in many times its already there before you even open your mouth.

Being polite and learning how to be polite with people and express yourself with manners and empathy with others can, however, allow you to approach and meet women in situations that up until now you thought were impossible for you.

Realy grasp this.

-- leedrag0n