So .. What REALY creates ATTRACTION?

I promised you in the last post, so here goes.

We all know that one of the major factors in our ability to succeed with a woman is whether or not she's actually attracted to us.

What is attraction?

What creates this attraction?

I'll answer these in this post ..

What is attraction?

Attraction is a vague word that describes an overall state of fascination , a desire of a woman to meet you , an interest of knowing more about you , a feeling of joy in your presence , etc. All these things that makes a woman go "Wow this guy is realy attractive, I want to meet him!". It's what pulls the woman into you very strongly, almost irresistible to escape, almost like a magnet.

It also goes the other way around - when a woman is NOT attracted to you, she will feel repulsed, disgusted, she won't feel any desire to talk to you, and may even feel a desire to escape your presence.

What creates the attraction?

I'm sure you've all read of all the many openers, routines, patterns, "negs" etc. that are said to create attraction, but in fact they do not. The only they create are different emotional states that work on women to get them hooked up into the conversation: emotions like curiousity, challenge, disapproval ("negs"..), etc.

Now, these are not bad things at all - when women feel those emotional states they feel an urge to act on them, so they respond and they do hook up to the conversation for a while. This works for getting their attention to you (remember the "Pickup Stages" post?) so you can then try and move on from there.

But the attraction that I talk about is something else, and in many cases the women will not even want to listen to you if you're not attractive to them. More times than not, this has to do with initial first impression level, which is a very important factor for the rest of the interaction. Things that women notice on you minutes before you even approach them.

So what do I talk about?

I'm talking about this basic formula:

ATTRACTION = LOOKS + VIBE + BEHAVIOUR

Now, let me briefly dive in and explain each of these, and why they are such a strong determinent on the overall level of "attraction" a woman feels towards you:

Element #1 of attraction = Looks

Let's put the theories aside, we all know that this is true as a matter of fact a strong determinent and first impression that will make a woman decide "Oh, this guy is attractive" or not. I'm not saying that you have to be a model or have a 6-packs ab to be attractive. this is huge misconception because looks are not as important as vibe and behaviour (and i'll get into it shortly) , but suffice to say you have to look at least decent, hygienic, clean and overall not repulsive. When you look lazy, and messed up, or repulsive you negatively impact the first impression people get when they first look at you. And in case you haven't yet realized: THE FIRST IMPRESSION THAT PEOPLE GET OF YOU, WILL DETERMINE HUGELY ON THE REST OF THEIR INTERACTION WITH YOU!!!!!!

This is because that on an unconscious level, people will look at you and make immediate first impression conclusions about you , and this will setup a "filter" through which they will look at you for the rest of the interaction. The people who do not realize how important that is, are also the people who never get results but they still live in an illusion called "Pickup Artist". Get out of that illusion and get back to reality! :-)

So we concluded that looks plays a role in generating the attraction, what exactly in looks?

A. Hygiene - Shave, have a decent haircut, and smell ok.

B. Clothes - Put on decent clothes, not geek style, but rather normal, fashionable stuff, that makes you look

as a decent human being.

Element #2 of attraction = Vibe

Vibe and Behaviour (the next section) are the two most dominant aspects of your attractiveness, and in fact while your looks may be limited to some degree on how much you can improve them, you CAN improve your vibe and behaviour all the time to show up much more attractive to women.

Vibe is the more dominant of the two, I suppose.

Now what is exactly Vibe? Vibe is the overall feeling that women get in the communication with you.

This is something that is perceived at an unconscious level by people. Just as an example - Imagine the difference between a guy who walks over slouched, with his hands closed, with a sad look on his face, mumble words and tries talking to you, compared to a guy who walks in with a straight posture, arms wide, smiles to you and talks clearly with you? Even you, as a guy, could feel a huge difference between how you feel and perceive these two guys differently. With women, this plays an even stronger role, since women are very strongly led by how they feel, so the vibe you create plays a very very important role here!

What elements play a role in Vibe exactly?

I'll lay out the elements here, and how I believe they are perceived not only by women but others in general.

Feel free to tell me whether I'm right or wrong:

A. Posture - Very important, how you hold yourself. Do you hold yourself straight (confident) or slouched (fearful/shy)?

B. Speed of movements - Do you move your body fast (nervous), or slow (relaxed)?

C. Pace of speech - Do you talk fast (nervous/pressured), or slow (relaxed, at ease)?

D. Facial expressions - Do you smile too much (feminine, seeking approval), or you have a sealed expression (masculine, don't care about approval)? And do you know how to balance those two?

E. Tonality - Very important! Do you have a strong and clean voice (confident, secured) or a weak, unheard voice (shy/fearful)?

F. Eye contact - Very important! Do you break eye contact while talking (insecured, shy) or do you maintain eye contact (confident, attractive)?

G. Body movements - Do you move your hands and your overall body too much (wierd, hard to follow) or do you maintain a fixed position while talking (understood, pleasant to follow)?

As you can see, I've only made a list of few of the most important aspects of vibe here. How much do you think these things can affect your attractiveness? How much do you think they can be improved?

Now let me talk here about a huge misconception that is being taught to guys, and fucks them up big time.

The misconception i'm talking about is the one that says: "fix your internal state, and all of these outer elements will be fixed as well". This is just not true, it's only HALF TRUE, And i'll explain:

Yes, it is going to be true if your state is very strong, so strong in fact to the point that it takes over your entire physiology. We know that state affects physiology since the mind and body are interconnected. But for the most part: A. We are not in very high states in our normal day to day lives. and B. Most of the "inner game" stuff is about releasing yourself so you can allow your "true self" to come out more naturally. But what exactly is this "true self"? Is it a "self" that is attractive to women? Are your normal habitual ways of communicating, that an inner peace lets out easily, are attractive?

You can't know if you don't see it for yourself!

When we are in a neutral and relaxed state, what comes out in our communication are our habitual ways of communicating with people. And those are all the things that are written above.

How can you fix those? The answer: by rehearsing!

USE A CAMERA AND A RECORDER, AND REHEARSE, REHEARSE & REHEARSE!

That's right!

Anything you rehearse you eventually become a habit that you do automatically without thought.

Consider the following metaphor - Imagine you're going into a battle zone, and someone hands you a gun. Won't you want to first check it to see that it actually works? To see that it has ammo? To see that it has the ability to work? Well, in a sense - so many guys are just going out to the field without checking how they look, what they project, and how they communicate with others! These guys will then tell you things like "I've tried so many things, and NOTHING WORKED! This entire community sucks! None of the techniques work!" , well DUH .. on the other side of the scale, you've probably met guys that didn't use any techniques, any routines, and girls just seemed to be flowing all over them. You will then call these guys "naturals" or "they have natural charm", etc ... THIS IS ALL BULLSHIT, AND ALL BASED ON FALSE MISCONCEPTIONS!

It all comes down to your habitual ways of communicating. And you can definitely improve those!

Realy ponder this for a while..

Element #3 of attraction = Behaviour

Well, so far we talked about Looks & Vibe. Vibe is a huge aspect of attractiveness, perhaps the most dominant one, and when you'll fix it, you'll begin to notice women everywhere looking at you, giving IOIs, even to the point where women will start approaching you! (this may sound unreal, but i'm not kidding at all! and you've surely heard of guys like that ...).

These are all things that are perceived at an unconscious, non verbal level, even before you open your mouth and start talking to them. This is the first impression stuff. It's realy powerful.

The last element of attractiveness, is behaviour. Behaviour can definitely affect the attraction level others have towards us. Think about some woman who is trying to push your forcefully into a relationship that you are not interested in, or who keeps accusing you of stuff all the time. How will you feel towards her? Not so great, right?

This is exactly where the way we bahave affects the way others perceive and feel towards us.

Behaviour is something that is being reflected by our actions and most importantly - our attitude.

Attractive behaviour comes from an attitude of independence, acceptance, and releasing expectations from others. Unattractive (or repulsive) behaviour is one of dependency (neediness), trying to push your opinion on others, and looking to get guarantees from others. Attractive behaviour makes people more attracted to you, Unattractive behaviour pushes people away from you.

What elements play a role in Behaviour?

A. Dependent (Unattractive) -vs- Independent (Attractive)

B. Inflicting yourself on others (Unattractive) -vs- Giving others their freedom (Attractive)

C. Seeking Approval (Unattractive) -vs- Don't need approval from others (Attractive)

D. Criticising others (Unattractive) -vs- Accepting others as they are (Attractive)

E. Unauthentic, or not real, liar (Unattractive) -vs- Authentic, or real, true (Attractive)

Those are the big 5 elements of behaviour that can affect how attractive you are.

How to fix these?

Well, now we go back to what all the "Inner game" stuff talks about - your internal state of mind.

Behaviour is mostly affected by how you feel inside, your internal state. This is what mostly affect the way you behave with people. This is what will determine whether you'll be dependent & pushy, or accepting and at ease, whether you'll be authentic, or unauthentic, whether you'll seek approval or walk through the world loyal to yourself.

FIXING YOUR STATE OF MIND - WILL FIX YOUR BEHAVIOUR TO WOMEN!

This has alot to do with your beliefs & attitudes, your world views and how you perceive women. I'm not going to discuss this any further in here.

Conslusion:

So, we conclude this post by saying that Attraction = Looks + Vibe + Behaviour.

Vibe is about your habitual ways of communicating with others, and Behaviour is about how you feel inside yourself about the idea of interacting and meeting women, and how you feel towards yourself.

In the next post, I'll bring some good tips on how to improve your tonality, which is a very important aspect of the Vibe. Feel free to leave your comments on this post!

Until next time, peace..

-- leedrag0n